After my mom passed away, I bought her car from my dad. Mine had over 100k miles on it, I was starting a new job, he was ready to sell, it seemed like a good idea. Now, deep down, do I think it is a connection to her? Do I think I'll ever actually be able to rid myself of it? Yes and likely not. Sorry honey.
But I have kept everything about it the same. The change drawer still has her collected coins she would find on the road and save for her yearly competition with her walking buddy. The last dried up wipes she put in the glove compartment. And finally, her license plate decal that has "We Are Marshall" emblazoned on its green trim. An homage to her and my father's alma mater, Marshall University in West Virginia.
I didn't go to Marshall, and I've only visited West Virginia about 3 times in my life. My parents were born and raised there, they have that WVA pride, they loved their time at MU. They met there, they met best friends there, they were in a sorority and fraternity there and have fond and fun memories from those years at Marshall. It was a big part of their story.
On one of the three visits to WVA, they took us to campus, my mom pointed out the stairs she was walking down with her sorority sister after her first date with my dad where she said, "I went out with the man I'm going to marry last night". A story I had heard my whole life and could finally see where it happened when I was 23 years old.
I love telling that story. I love telling so many stories about my parents and their story together. and, I love talking about my mom.
Just yesterday, a neighbor caught me coming out of my car and with his smoke rattled voice he bellowed "you are the one that drives the We Are Marshall car. I've seen it but didn't know who that was." And I found myself telling him in response "Yes, it is from Marshall University. My parents went there. My mother passed away a few years ago and I bought her car from my dad, so I have left it on there for her."
I don't know this man well. In fact, we don't even know each other's names. Just shared pleasantries from time to time and now, he knows where my parents went to college, where they are from, and that my mom passed away. An awkward exchange for some, comfort for others.
It occurred to me that I share this fact about my mom a lot. I don't share it to bring someone sadness. Sometimes I share it to share in their grief. Or I share it to spare them asking, " is your mom still alive?" as if it is as common a question as "how are you?" I share it because my mom's life story has come to a close, but my mom's character is still a big part of my story. I love talking about her. Her quirks, her sayings, her laughter, her struggle with her illness, her need for privacy. I love telling how much she loved us, and her words of humored wisdom, like never hit on a 6 when the dealer is showin' a 2 at blackjack. Her avoidance at hard topics of conversation and her unwillingness to let anything stop her from showing up for us. I love talking about her love of rescuing dogs, and imagining how she would interact with our designer dogs today. How she made us all laugh, how she loved a bourbon with me and a glass of wine with my dad.
I realized in that 2 minute exchange with an acquainted neighbor that I tell people pretty quickly about losing my mom so that I can just as quickly share something about her life - keeping her spirit alive and her stories with a continued heartbeat.
So yea, We Are Marshall is from a movie, about a terrible plane crash that happened when my parents were undergrads at Marshall University. And for me, it is a conversation starter not about loss, but a great life lived.
So when someone weaves into their story, at the beginning, middle or end of a conversation about a big loss...they've just introduced you to someone. So sit back and get to know the person they are so effortlessly wanting to talk about.
Beautiful and inspirational story Hadley. Hugs❤️